This weekend I really blew it in a big way. After Bootcamp on Friday it all went downhill. All summer, every summer I am trapped at home with nowhere to go and no way to get there all day, everyday. That means motivation is hard for me to come by. Friday was going fine until my mom suggested we go out to eat. (Right now I'm trying to change my eating habits and it feels like I have no support.) So when my mom suggested we go out it was incredibly hard to say no. I know, I know it is my problem and it's my responsibility, but when you feel alone it becomes very hard to listen to that soft voice that tells you to do right. So of course I made the bad decision of getting Chinese food. I also knew that the next morning my family would be going to Village Inn to eat a big brunch. So I gorged on Chinese and then the next morning I ate half a plate of country potatoes, a piece of French toast and a multigrain pancake. Lets just say it doesn't end there. Later in the day I had leftover Chinese, animal crackers, and I managed to eat 4 of the 6 cupcakes that were leftover. Fortunately I had the good sense to throw the other 2 out, but once I did, something horrible happened. I actually thought about the fact of taking them out of the trash and eating them just because I wanted more cupcakes/sugar. Now if you knew me, you would know that I would never take anything out of the trash and put it anywhere near my face (or anywhere else on me or near me without practically boiling it to sanitize it), but those kind of thoughts scared me to death. The fact that I could become someone completely controlled by my feelings/cravings is terrifying. I can't imagine living a life where I can't control myself and where I eat whatever, whenever because it's there. I'm appalled that thoughts like that would even cross my mind. Right now I want to go run until I can't feel anything anymore or until I drop from exhaustion, but that isn't possible. I have to go to bed so that I can get up tomorrow and go to church. That means that I have to live with my decisions and yeah those cupcakes and other bad foods are going to stay inside my body and slowly turn me into a puff ball. And yes i have to love with the guilt of knowing that i failed and that i let myself down. Thankfully I did workout today, but that can't erase the bad choices I made or what I actually put inside of me. (Whew! I needed to get that off of my chest.)
I realize that worrying and fretting over these things is pointless, because there is nothing I can do at this point. However, I can look back on this and learn from my many mistakes. The whole time this was happening, I had a voice at the back of my head saying, "You're going to regret this. Don't do it, it's not right." But did I listen? No! Something my friend (B) told me is, "Everyday is new." (She also gave me an interesting life motto: "Some days just suck." Which is totally the truth.) Sure I could use that and say well I'll just make a horrible choice today because tomorrow is new, or I could use it as inspiration. I can try my best to live everyday right and to not make bad decisions, and then when I do mess up I have that simple quote to remind myself that what has happened has happened and there isn't anything I can do to change it. All I can do is work at making tomorrow better. So when we completely fall off the wagon and go the exact opposite way than where we were heading, we just need to stop, turn ourselves around, and say tomorrow is a new day for me to make new choices. We may end up right back where we started, or worse off than before, but we always have the option to turn around and go back the right way. We may slip up a lot, but we are still able to pick ourselves up and keep going, and when we can't, there is always someone right there beside us ready and willing to help. All we have to do is ask.
Sincerely H
Here is an inspiring poem that cam be interpreted in for many different situations. For me, it is comforting. (It is a Christian poem, so if you are against what we believe, please do not post negativity. Just know that our faith is a big part of our lives and it is a major aspect that keeps us going)
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